My Breaking Point, Life Update, and Brain Dump
Brain Dump
I feel like it has been a very long time since I stepped out from behind the curtain and gave everyone a peek at what is circling around and around in my mind. Here’s the brain dump nobody asked for.
When I started my blog I was motivated heavily by the fact that I felt so damn comfortable, cozy, and happy in my own space. Taking pictures and sharing is so easy when you feel the way you want to feel in your home.
My true challenge came from moving to a new space, combining decor and furniture, and a different style/color scheme of the apartment. It takes a while to sort of recoup, and find what works in a new space, and then be able to have cozy corners that photograph well again.
It was never about design, especially my own design skills, it was always about sharing the parts of my home that made me feel safe, cozy, content, and happy. It’s possible that that feeling comes along with good design, but I think it’s all relative.
I’ve found such an amazing creative outlet when it comes to flipping furniture and creating décor, styling the apartment to create those cozy moments where I can, and the challenge of keeping it all under budget is absolutely thrilling/terrifying. All of it is exactly what I want to do, every day.
Life Update
I’m working to get back to sharing the happy moments of my home to my feed. I wrestle with myself often because it IS a rental. Why put time and limited amounts of money into something kind of half-ass for the sake of doing SOMETHING and hoping it turns out well. Well because… that’s showbiz baby.
Maybe I don’t even need to say all this. Maybe you’ve heard it all before, from me or someone else who learned the same lesson of what it all truly means. Or maybe normal people who aren’t Capricorns and empath’s don’t care what it all truly means.
But I do remember where I started and I feel partially graduated from those moments. That is what fuels me. I didn’t come this far to only come this far.
I’m starting to feel that it’s time to go hard. (!!!) Do you know how many times I wrote on my to-do list that I was going to dry out some freaking dried orange slices in November so that I could make a blog post about it? When I first saw it I thought it was such a classic Christmas décor element, and not to mention, photographed really well. But each week I saw each influencer, each blogger that I look up to post that exact same blog. The exact same DIY tutorial over and over and on every tree and banister.
Don’t get me wrong, I still like the dried orange garland OKAY??
But what value am I bringing by being another person who posts about it? It went to the bottom of my list and today I officially erased it. I don’t want to jump on every trend I see, I want to share what has brought cheer and love into my house.
So far this year, that looks like a pre-lit Christmas tree that an old co-worker gave me, with a few strands blown out. It looks like one single ornament on that half-lit tree that reads “Our Christmas Together 2020” to mark the first Christmas Brandon and I lived together and shared a tree. The $15 fake garland strands from Hobby Lobby on my shelves. Okay fine, I may still make those orange slice garlands for some inexpensive extra flair.
Reaching My Breaking Point
Thanks to my nagging disassociated mind, I can see all of this from the outside now. Now that it’s all come to a head, finally, I understand why I’ve been creatively stuck. This is why I should journal more. I want to give myself permission to have the freedom to create in my apartment.
I can’t be scared of patching holes and playing with color and furniture!!! That’s crazy. I am feeling compelled to bring every décor item I have with me to each room and see how I can switch it up, do something different, and figure out what gives me the warm fuzzies. I’m not kidding! After all, we are buying a house in 6 months. I need to know a little bit about what direction to take design there.
In the coming months, I’m looking forward to experimenting, doing absolutely free updates to my apartment, staging like a mo fo, and making as many pretty things as I can.